dEDGE Post Scriptum
He’s creepy and he’s kooky,
mysterious and spooky.
He’s all together ooky.
His house is an arena,
where people come to see him.
He really is a scream.
(A freak) (He’s cheap) (Let’s repeat)
So sit down next to B. Shaw.
Kobe’s back you can crawl on.
We’re gonna pay a call on.
Some of you may be frightened at the thought of what could possibly happen should our newest Laker dive off the deep end. Well, rest assured zealot Laker fans, we have survived far more fearsome thunderstorms with even larger combatants and egos before Ron Artest could even mumble the word, “controversy.” Los Angeles is well suited and adeptly prepared for any zaniness that Ron-Ron may bring to Staples Center. Sure, his crazy sprint into the stands at the Palace still ranks as one of the most inexcusable athlete/fan meltdowns in modern U.S. sports history, but you could have plugged a handful of other NBA ballers into that incident that would have reacted exactly the same way as Artest. OK, maybe not…
Regardless, Lakers drama is par the course for any NBA season. That this past season culminated in another championship without any earth shattering news fodder should be the bigger headline than grabbing their 15th title. When it’s all quiet on the Western front, no one outside of Los Angeles seems to be paying attention. Perhaps Jerry Buss thought it was time to rattle the cage and stir up some headlines again. But how do you create a national buzz after having just blown out the Orlando Magic in a less than dramatic NBA Finals? Simple, you set the stage for even more drama and mayhem by jostling the line-up.
Ron-Ron has a lot of catching up to do if he ever wants to garner his share of tabloid headlines. I mean, think about it… the whole Kobe & Shaq marriage, divorce and reconciliation, this alone could stretch out to be an entire volume. How about Showtime’s Magic & Paul Westhead butting heads? Or Dennis Rodman’s brief stint in purple and gold lamé? Want more? How about the Kobe & Karl spat, and for that matter, Coby Karl’s spygate episode. Remember Glen Rice’s wife and the ruckus she made? Isaiah Rider? Mr. Cancun and Mr. Havasu? How about Big Game James and his big pajama party? Wilt and his 10,000 conquests. Even Andrew Bynum’s got game hanging out with Hugh Hefner and offering up piggy-back rides.
How about Spencer Haywood practicing voodoo and casting spells in the locker room? Or Kwame Brown and his penchant for birthday cakes? Kobe asking to be traded, then not, then again… What about Sedale Threat and his caravan of love of Shawn Kempian proportions? Or, All-Star snowboarding with Vlade Radmanovich and the boys? As you can see, the list goes on and on and any Artest contribution would just be another blip on the radar. Plus, we’ve got Mannywood to occupy the newspapers for a while at least.
So before you get yourself worked up in a lather longing for the good ol’ days with Trevor Ariza, sit back, crack one open and enjoy the rest of your summer. Because come October, you’ll need to strap yourself in for what appears to be another wonderful and memorable ride with the Los Angeles Lakers.